It’s finally here. After a nearly two months of waiting and clocking in and out at work I’ve arrived at yet another mini-vacation from that grind called the 9 to 5. Well, mine’s more like a 6 to 2. You get what I’m saying.
Last I had a vacation was back during the last week of July when my wife was off taking photos in Kentucky for her new-ish job as a school photographer. I stayed home with the kids and took the two youngest school clothes shopping. They’re 9 and 11, so it wasn’t like I was shopping for Osh Kosh B’Gosh or anything. Anyways, it turned out to be a strange experience that day as I think I might’ve had what folks call an anxiety attack, or “panic attack” as my mom likes to call them. It was a strange experience. I wasn’t sure what it was at first as I don’t really ever panic or get overwhelmed. I just go with the flow. But as we walked up to the jeans display looking for some pants for my son it felt like everything got extremely bright and a feeling as if the inside of my head was compressing came over me. I quickly just got my shit together and grabbed a few jeans and some shirts for my son to try on and we made it back to the dressing rooms. My daughter and I sat there as my son went to try these clothes on. I felt completely overwhelmed. Every little noise annoyed me. A phone kept ringing and the woman working at the department store wouldn’t answer it despite being two inches from it. I wanted to get up and pull the phone out of the wall and toss it across the store but I just kept concentrating on the conversation with my daughter. We made it out of there with no violent outbursts and a couple shirts for my son. After another less traumatic stop at an Old Navy we hit up a bookstore for some books my oldest daughter wanted(she was at Band Camp that day), and then we hit up one of my favorite record shops, Neat Neat Neat Records, and I chilled out.
The feeling never came back and after a visit with my general practitioner we came to the conclusion that I was feeling overwhelmed due to my wife being gone so much for this new job. When that had happened back in July my wife was on her second week of being gone for a 4 to 5 day stint of shooting pics. Even up to that point before that feeling hit me, I didn’t feel overwhelmed, frightened, or panicked. I may have had that feeling of wanting to get a lot of stuff done on my time off, but nothing like anxiety. I guess that’s not how anxiety works. Who knew? Back in June she had been gone for almost 7 days and I was fine. Though, this was also at the beginning of summer with no school shopping, class enrolling, or general back-to-school mayhem hanging over me. The doc wanted me to keep track of my blood pressure and try to lose some weight, just to make sure I’m doing everything I can to keep my health on the up and up. My BP is perfectly normal and I’ve been losing weight. Keeping track of calories and hitting the gym on most days has helped me with that. I think I’m getting this stuff worked out. I’m not one that easily deals with change in my life, but I’m coming around to it. One day at a time.
So this fall break is gonna be all about “chill”. The kids and I are hanging out and doing as little as possible. I’ve got some yard work to do, but other than that the schedule is clear. I’ve got some songs I want to work on and some writing I want to get done. Then lots of horror movies to watch. And some exercise, of course. Last Friday I got to “DJ” the elementary school’s Walk-a-Thon. That was fun. I spent an hour the day before perusing local pop radio stations so I could hear what people listen to outside of Miles Davis, psych rock, and synth music. Wow, it’s a pretty narrow scope. Anyways, it went well and I even snuck in some Plastic Bertrand, Cure, and Elvis Costello and no one complained. Alright, alright, alright.
Well that’s all I got. Time to grab another cup of coffee.