I feel like I lost a winter

These months are cruising by. We’re already heading into the last bit of June and I feel like I was in a haze during the winter of 2025/2026. The halfway point of 2026 is just a couple weeks away and I’m feeling like someone accidently hit the fast forward button on time’s remote control.

A big reason for my lack of winter memories is that I spent from December till the end of March in a state of health crisis. My body was slowly filling with fluid, I was lacking any sort of energy, and I couldn’t walk very far without going into hyperventilating. As I’ve talked about previously(ad nauseum, I know), thanks to work stress and heredity my blood pressure had gone completely out of control, overworking my heart to the point of putting me in heart failure. I lost 20% of my pumping power, which is why the fluid build-up. First in my feet and legs, and by the end it was backing up into my abdomen and even the lining of my lungs.

I was an oversized water balloon, but I blamed everything but my heart being severely overworked and beaten up.

I was still exercising, on and off, up until March. But by the last couple weeks before I knew things were not kosher, I couldn’t even walk to the mailbox without panic and shortness of breath. The day I went to the ER, which was April 3rd, my wife asked me to go for a walk and I could barely make it out of the neighborhood. Showers were a burden as well, as if I was trying to lift weights when drying my damn legs. I wore layers of clothes to hide the bloat of my legs and stomach.

I was hiding the medical mess I was in from my family, friends, and world-at-large.

Thankfully I woke from the fear of finding out what was wrong with me and realized I had to do something. The look on my wife’s face told me as much. And sitting here now near the end of June I can’t believe how far I’ve come and how much I’ve changed in a mere three months.

I’m making up for lost time. I’m walking constantly, getting at least 10-12,000 steps a day. At least a 6-mile average daily. I’m pushing myself again physically and honestly it feels amazing. I’m not tired anymore, yet at night I sleep like a baby. I want to do things again, and go places. I don’t want to “hermit out” in my living room like I did for so many of the cold months. If it’s sunny and nice out I’m hitting the pavement, and if it’s rainy and lousy I hit the YMCA. No more excuses. I’m taking this second chance and running with it.

Oddly, I’m looking forward to late fall and winter this year. I feel I lost a couple seasons due to all my troubles. I’m not excited about sub-zero temps, but brisk 20s and 30s I’m good with. I love a good fall/winter walk. I recently took an after work walk thru town and found myself at Oakwood Cemetery. It’s a bittersweet yet calming walk that I look forward to. A melancholy jaunt with marble and spirits that always centers me.

In the winter I love the feeling of the cold air hitting my lungs, waking them up. I love taking the dog for snow walks as well. There’s a kind of innocent craziness that comes over dogs in the snow, and it’s infectious. Hell, even shoveling the driveway will feel somewhat energizing compared to last winter’s strenuous attempts.

There’s a quiet in winter that sounds as if you walked into a sound-controlled room. Except it’s the world, not a room. Especially living among pine trees there’s an added layer of soundproofing. I couldn’t enjoy that earlier this year because inside my head was far noisier than what was going on on the outside.

All of this to say time sure is flying. It flies faster when you’re in distress; be it emotional, mental, physical, medical. So take care of yourself, and listen to when your body sends you S.O.S. messages. We’re here way too short to waste any time feeling lousy and losing opportunities to spend quality time with loved ones. We get one shot(unless you believe in reincarnation), so make the most of it. Take it from me, a guy who lost his winter to fear, medical distress, and denial. Don’t lose any of your winters. Or springs, summers, and falls.