Took Some Days Off, So I thought I’d get Sick

At this point now it seems like it’s a given that if I take some time off I’m going to get sick. It’s the vacation playbook; take a couple days off for a nice 4-day weekend and 24 hours in I’m going to start feeling like crap. It was the case last week, as I took Thursday and Friday off to get a mental break from work and by Thursday evening my sinuses were full and I was having stomach cramps. Friday I was sneezing and blowing my nose every five minutes. Saturday all I wanted to do was sit and watch movies while the world moved all around me. My son and his girlfriend came by to visit for awhile, which was nice. The bright spot in the last few days. Sunday my stomach was cramping, so I called work and left a message that I’d be taking Monday off as well. Monday came and didn’t feel any better. Sat and binged Mad Men and sulked in my own self-pity.

It’s now Tuesday morning and I’m sitting in the living room, taking another vacation day. I won’t share the details, but last night my stomach issue came to a head and I finally have some relief from that. My head is still stuffed up pretty well, but that too is better. I didn’t sleep very well last night, but I think that was from sitting on my arse all day doing nothing. As tired as I was I had a restlessness that kept me tossing and turning. I see a nap in my future.

So tomorrow I will head back to work and hopefully the “feeling better” trend continues.

I can’t help but think that work is a major factor in all of this. The chaos of moving people around, not really knowing from day to day what in the hell you’ll be doing. I’m not a chaos guy. I like schedules and planning and consistency. We really have none of that at work anymore. I’m determined to stick it out there as I don’t want to start over somewhere else, but also what’s the point of sticking it out if work is making me miserable? Since December it’s been like that. What good am I to an employer if I’m miserable and bitter? And what good is a paycheck and vacation time if I’m not enjoying my life?

Questions for the ages, I suppose.

Anyways, I’ve been under the weather so I haven’t felt much like writing. I’ve got plenty of stuff to write about, but I’ve just felt kind of defeated these last few days. Hopefully today is the day for bouncing back. I’ve felt pretty useless and I don’t like feeling that way. Don’t feel up for adventuring with my wife, or even taking the dog for a lap in the neighborhood. Granted, I’m sick, but it doesn’t justify it in my head. And also, I hate being gone from work that long because I had to add two more days at the end because I’m sick. You feel like you’ve forgotten everything you ever learned. It’s like when I was sick as a kid and was home from school for like 3 days. It feels great being home in the morning, but by the time the bus drops off your neighbor at 4pm and they come over to drop off all your homework you start to get that feeling like, “Oh crap, the world keeps moving on whether you’re there or not.” I have no homework so to speak, but you do feel like things are happening without you that you really should be a part of. Definitely NOT when I take actual vacation for fun things, but definitely when I take it because I’m sick.

Okay, well that’s where I’m at. Just a guy who’s been home a few days too much, alone and feeling both crappy and sorry for himself. Not a good combo. Here’s to continued bursts of upward and onward without the sinus pressure and digestive indignities.