“All The Children Are Scattered”

Been feeling everything a little heavy lately. It was a nice four-day weekend, albeit we skipped out on that Van Hagar concert Friday night. My wife and I decided that neither of us wanted to stand in a field at 93 degrees for three to four hours, so we opted to just pick up our 21-year old daughter and headed out for some Mexican food and margaritas. I think we made the right choice, as it turns out they pulled everyone from the field because of lightning for 40 minutes. Hagar and crew came back out and finished the show(and from the clips it looked like a good one), but by then we were at home on the couch falling asleep.

This past weekend was the one year anniversary of when my daughter’s ex-boyfriend moved out while she was at work and took her dog with him. I’d say it was the beginning of a very rough patch for her and us as her parents, but honestly the rough patch began way before that. It began when they moved in together months before. She unfortunately found out the hard way that he wasn’t the best boyfriend material. He was really just an immature mama’s boy with a stadium-filling amount of emotional problems. There were so many red flags from even before they lived together, but it took her a little longer to see the situation for what it was.

It was doubly hard since she was living on her own 30 minutes away from us, so we weren’t there with her. We couldn’t see how she was doing or what her mental and emotional state was. It was just the phone calls we’d get as she was driving around crying because that kid took the one thing in our daughter’s life that mattered. Honestly, it was that dog that made her realize she didn’t need him in her life. What a waste of space he was, and what little he did for her. He was emotionally absent. Her dog Frankie filled that void(okay kids? You don’t need that guy or gal, just a really great dog to be your companion.)

We all had some really rough months. From a small claims court date that got us nowhere to helping with rent because our daughter was stuck with a $1,200 rent payment that was being paid by two people to just some really lonely nights where my wife ended up staying over at the apartment with her. Things were just really messed up.

She did eventually find a dog of her very own and despite all the heartache that came things turned out for the best. She’s had Celeste since November of 2023 and she’s become our daughter’s support system(besides her parents, of course.) There was a learning curve with a dog that had been at the shelter for months, but after some training and proper TLC Celeste has become an amazing dog.

A year out from that nightmare and I can say things are so much better, for everyone. All the kids are happy and healthy. Maybe not 100% where they want to be, but they’re all emotionally healthy, and working on the rest. We had everyone together on Labor Day at my parents house for a cookout. It was so nice to have all my kids together. Well, my son had to work but his girlfriend was there with us. It was nice having our oldest and their girlfriend there, and our 21-year old came as well. My wife and the kids played cards out on the back porch. The food was good, and my parents had their kids together as well, as my brother and sister-in-law were there.

It was weird though, as when we got home I just had this overwhelming melancholy hit me. I don’t know if it was because that was first time I’d seen my brother and sister-in-law since Christmas even though they live not more than a block from us, or because seeing my kids old and adults and together for the first time since May. Maybe it was both. Maybe neither. Maybe it was just my time for a good old depression.

I wish my brother and I were closer. I wish he’d take the time to see our mom and dad more. Even just a weekly call to talk to my mom. That would mean the world to her. Instead we’re relegated to two or three family visits a year and that’s it. My brother and I used to see each other more when my kids were much smaller. I’m not sure what’s changed. I’m not putting the blame on him, either. But I know I’ve made it perfectly clear to him that I don’t have plans very often, so if he’d ever have some free time to just text me and we could definitely get together. He’s definitely more busy with extracurricular activities than I am. We saw Dweezil Zappa live back in 2018, and then in 2019 we took my son to see a show at Sweetwater Sound with Dave Ellefson, Frank Bello, and Bumblefoot. Other than those two things we haven’t done much of anything together in years.

My dad had the kind of relationship with his older brother that as adults he really never cared if he saw him. Since my uncle lived in Athens, Greece and then worked in Saudi Arabia for 20 years it kind of worked out. He came to visit maybe 5 times in my entire lifetime, and when he did he’d come over, play pool, and drink enough beer to sedate a rhino. My dad never wanted his sons to be like that, and for the most part we haven’t been. Despite being 6 years apart in age we always got along, and music was that one constant between us. And even though I don’t see my older brother very often I still love him and think he’s one of the funniest people I know. We just lock in when we’re together. We make each other laugh, and everyone around us think we’re nuts for laughing at what we laugh at.

Yesterday just seemed like a bummer to me. As the saying goes, “It’s me, not you.” I think I was just in a funk, and not the cool, Parliament kind of funk. But the kind of funk that gives us great, sad stories and songs. But unfortunately I have no great sad songs for you, and the only story I’m offering is the one you’ve hung out to read just now.

The weather is getting cooler, and we’re less than two months away from Halloween so I’ll be good. “This too shall pass” as the saying goes. It’s just that sometimes I miss that brotherly love. And I miss being the dad that can fix my kids’ problems with a hug and a promise to take them to pick out a toy. Those days are gone. All that is left is a 50-year old dad to adults who can’t fix things quite like he used to. But hopefully I was a good enough parent that I instilled some skills in my now adult kids so they can figure it out on their own.

And no matter how little I see my older brother I’ll always love him and have time for him. That’s what family is, I suppose.

“I wish I knew
Wish I could prove
The reason why this life on earth
Is scattered like the universe
I’m scattered here and scattered there
Bits of me scattered everywhere” – Ray Davies