Pay Attention To The Man(or Woman) Behind the Curtain

That man or woman behind the curtain, is in fact, you. Or me. Or your uncle Frank or brother Steve. The wizard is behind the curtain according to Dorothy and her farm hands-turned scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly lion friends. But as Glenda the good witch shared with Dorothy at the end of The Wizard of Oz, she had the power all along(you think she could have shared that info 10 minutes into crushing the wicked witch of the east with Uncle Oren and Aunt Beru’s farmhouse…oops, wrong aunt and uncle.)

My point is(yes, I have one) that the voice in your head saying something isn’t right is not one to ignore. I ignored it for far too long and put not only myself and my health in peril, but I was on my way to making my wife a widow had I not gotten my shit together. Looking back things were so obviously messed up with me, yet I kept telling myself that it would somehow course correct. That is the thought process of someone very scared and in denial of the hard truth about their health. I don’t wish this sort of thing on anyone, but I think it HAD to happen to me in order for me to really open my eyes to my health, taking care of myself, and seeing a doc regularly.

I had my follow-up echocardiogram on Wednesday. Pretty nonchalant, laying on a table on my side shirtless while the tech used a wand to watch my heart beat in real time. It was like getting an ultrasound, except I was hearing my own heartbeat and not a baby.

I have to say it’s quite an existential feeling to not only hear my own heart’s squishy pumping movements, but then to take a sneak peek here and there and SEE it moving in real time. It’s hard to explain, but it’s sort of like looking into your own soul or being. Like looking at and hearing my heart beating in real time would cause me to no longer exist. I found the meaning of life, and now I move on to the next realm.

Ridiculous, I know. But it was also both disturbing and incredibly moving to me. Overwhelming, for sure.

The echo went fine, no problems. After we left my wife wanted to go to a sewing center to get fabric for the back of a quilt she’s making for our oldest’s partner’s birthday next month. I get a notification from the hospital that I have new test results. 30 minutes after we were done with the echocardiogram I’ve got the results. I was a little nervous, to be honest. As good as I’ve felt since leaving the hospital I assumed that there was SOME improvement, but I’m not a doctor so what do I know? Anyways, I logged in to my account to see if I could make heads or tails of the results. This is what I saw:

I couldn’t believe it. Recovered from heart failure. I was honestly blown away. The meds, the low sodium, and ALL the walking I’ve been doing has all worked together to bring my heart back from the brink. I still have plaque, so I’ll still be doing the heart cath on September 3rd, but as far as my heart function goes it’s back to full capacity, and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

To celebrate, my wife and I decided to go to the Fort Wayne Zoo and walk amongst the animals and burnt out young moms and their young kids. We rode the paddle boat, took the log ride, rode the carousel twice, and rode the sky lift. We saw monkeys, fish, stingrays, seals, otters, and even a baby orangutan. It was the perfect way to finish up a very, very long road to recovery.

Like I said, listen to that voice that’s telling you something is wrong. 99% of the time that voice is right. And what’s the big deal being wrong 1% of the time? I could have avoided a lot of all this had I been doing what a middle-aged man should be doing for his physical and mental health. A lot of the time you don’t get a second chance to right that ship, so I’m feeling incredibly lucky and grateful for the opportunity at another chance to live happily and healthily into those golden years I hear everyone talking about.

Enjoy your weekend. I know I will.