Am I Straight Edge Now?(For Your Health)

Last week I had my usual weekly phone call from the nurse from the Heart Failure Center to check in and see how I was doing. At my first cardiologist appointment the nurse said they wanted me to be a part of the Remote Health Check Program where they send me a scale and blood pressure cuff that sends the results to my ‘My Charts’ acct. That way they can monitor me daily, and if there’s high readings or extreme changes they can see it immediately. A nurse calls one day a week to see how I’m doing and to see if I have questions or concerns.

It’s been a big part of my recovery and post-hospital stay for me, and a sort of lifeline so I feel like I’m still being cared for by professionals. It’s been oddly comforting for me to have that check-in and that connection with the docs and nurses.

So during last week’s call the nurse mentioned that next week would be the final call, and that the 6-week program would be over. I had a very strange reaction to that news. I felt kind of sad. I was also kind of flabbergasted that it had been 6 weeks since I got into the program. I’m nearing two months since all of this began, which really blows my mind.

I feel so different than how I felt before. Not only the fact that I’m much smaller than I was, but even my mindset about things. Thinking twice about food and what I’m putting into my body. Checking my blood pressure and weight daily had become ritual for me. The Friday pint after picking up the house hasn’t happened since March, and I’m not sure if it will return. I do occasionally think a beer would be nice, but I feel like I’d just be disappointed in myself if I cracked one open. It’s not like I had a drinking problem or anything, and the doc even said a beer is fine once in a while. But I know myself and once in a while might turn into a couple days a week(maybe I do have a problem.)

Same goes for marijuana. I did enjoy an edible on the weekend, but I haven’t touched the stuff since before I went to the ER back at the beginning of April. Part of it is concern over how I’d react being medicated, but the other part is do I really need it? I used it quite a bit to help with sleep. 5 mg before bed would always help get me to sleep. But since getting home and getting healthy I have no issues sleeping at all. In fact, I haven’t had one night of insomnia since getting on meds and fixing the blood pressure. I used to snore, and the last couple months before the big ‘awakening’ my wife said I would sometimes make gasping and wheezing sounds. Now? She says I don’t make any noise. She’s even touched my back a few times to make sure I was breathing(I was, so no worries.)

I never in my life thought of being straight edge(meaning no drugs or alcohol ever), but I’m starting to think that’s the road I’m heading down. Beer was always such a big part of my identity. Loved going to local breweries, eating dinner and trying different beers. During 2020 my wife and I would go to different breweries and get carry-out beer. It was my way of supporting these local breweries during all of the lockdowns keeping distances. Hey, it was the least I could do.

But it’s been over two months now since any beer or weed and I’m feeling pretty okay with it. Like I said, it does occasionally cross my mind. I do miss that beer buzz and how much fun beer can make watching a crappy 80s horror movie. But I can get that buzz just as easily from a ginger ale with a little tart cherry juice mixed in. I get a hell of a buzz from spinning records as well. Or long walks and working out after work at the YMCA.

Am I gonna be straight edge the rest of my life? I don’t know. But at this moment it feels good to have a clear mind and body. For the most part I don’t miss it, and I hope it stays that way.