Mid-March

Hard to believe it’s nearly mid-March in the year of our Lord 2026. We enjoyed 70 degree weather over the last few days, and today we’re back down to 29 degrees. Sunday will be a high in the 60s, then Monday we’ll be back into the 30s. So those folks sensitive to the up and down of the barometric pressure need to buckle in for a ride. I’m one of those people, so consider me buckled.

It’s been a mental whirlwind over the last several weeks. Basically starting in December I’ve been dealing with anxiety regularly. Lots of factors going into it I think, but when you’re in the middle of that uncontrolled panic and worry you’re just wanting it to subside and give you a break. Just turn the heat down on the old skull muscle and let it cool a bit.

Today I feel decent. Better than I have in a while. Besides the anxiety there’s been this bug that I’ve been fighting for what feels like since January. Stomach achy, head congested, and this tickle in my chest that tells me I’ve got some congestion going on that doesn’t want to break up. When you’re in that for so long the lines begin to blur, making it hard to differentiate symptoms as being virus and just mental gymnastics completely bypassing common sense and reality. “Is the stomach thing anxiety-related?” “Are my feet and ankles swollen because I’m sitting or standing too long, or because I’m not exercising like I was?” “Is this the Matrix?”

I’m taking Friday off so I can take a mental health break. Clean up the house, go pick up a couple records I ordered at my local record shop, do some painting and listen to some music. There’s very little I like about my job of nearly 27 years these days, but one is that I get a lot of paid time off. That and the health insurance. You need a lot of vacation to make it thru a year there anymore. I’ve worked in orthopedics since I was 19. My first full-time job was with an orthopedic company, and I did that for 6 years until I left that job to come to where I’m at now. At first it was exciting, learning about these new technologies and how they can completely improve someone’s quality of life.

But the longer you’re in it you see so much of the seedier side of it. It’s like pay-to-play, but with medical device companies offering gifts to doctors to use their product. There have been federal laws passed making that act illegal, but I’m sure it still happens. They find a way around regulations in order to pad the pockets of medical company’s pockets. I’ve never worked in pharmaceuticals, but I guarantee it’s the same. Even worse, when you look at what the Sackler family did with Oxycontin.

So at 52-years old I’m done with the medical world. It’s a shady place that doesn’t care about employees anymore. I can’t quit. Not yet. I’ve got ten years before I’d want to officially retire. I’ve got a generous amount in my 401K, but that also is beholden to what my insane government does. One or two bad days on the stock market and I could lose a chunk of that retirement. I know, not your problem. I’m just explaining how a brain on fire works. It worries and hems and haws about everything.

Just a quick little check-in on a Thursday morning. I hope this finds you all well throughout the land. And if you’re having a hard go of it, just know you’re not alone. Keep your chin up, even if it’s just resting on your desk.