It’s Time To Move On…It’s Time To Get Going

It’s feeling better around here. Things are starting to settle into our new normal and it feels good. There’s still things that need to be done, like painting and installing a cabinet in the main bath so our daughter can store all of her hair and make-up products. The spare room downstairs needs some shelving put in for added storage, which will make the bedroom space down there less cramped and give our kiddo more area for getting around and added space. The last two months are still very much in the present, mentally at least for me. But it’s starting to feel less like some shadowy omen looking down on us as if some cursed monolith floating in the sky, and more like lessons learned and teachable moments. At least that’s how our daughter is seeing it.

Given that she’s all but cut out gluten in her diet and has seen some eye-opening results, we feel this last round of illness and hospital visits in July were the tough lesson needed for her to really look at herself and her life and realize a change was needed. Not to mention cutting marijuana from the equation, which had turned from a mere fun way to unwind. It became a crutch over the last two years. It was a coping mechanism that became her way to deal with, first a son of a bitch for a boyfriend, then it became her coping mechanism for everything. From the loss of her dog to stress from work and school and then the loneliness of living alone and dealing with having to pay rent, utilities, gas, meds with just her paycheck(since the boyfriend split with the dog.) And when she took on the responsibility of a new dog with trauma and a hard past herself it continued to be an escape.

Whether the marijuana was a factor in her stomach issues remains to be seen, but cutting it out has opened her eyes to the reality of her situation. It’s let her see things clearly and allowed her to truly appreciate what she has, who she is, and who she can still be. It’s given her a newfound drive to do better at work and make goals for herself. Being at home with us is giving her a financial freedom that will allow her to save up money and concentrate on doing better for herself, as opposed to be in fight or flight mode nearly 24 hours out of the day.

The future may not be so bright that we need to wear shades, but we’re definitely squinting at how bright the potential is.

It was a four day weekend for me, which was sorely needed. Friday the wife and I stopped at our daughter’s now former apartment and did some last minute pick up and cleaning. We emptied the last of the items that were going to the dumpster, and I swept and Swiffer’d the floors. By the time our daughter showed up she just had some bags to drop off at Goodwill. By 2pm the place was emptied, cleaned, and in our rearview.

After that we headed to Sweetwater and I dropped a couple items off I was getting rid of at their Gear Exchange. I needed to free up some cash to help pay for the repaired Music Man amp I bought back in June. When I bought it I didn’t know the extent of the work that needed done, but to be fair I really just paid for a guitar. The amp was thrown in with the deal, along with an old MXR rackmount guitar effects processor(still haven’t tried that out), as well as a DOD envelope filter. Well my guy went to town on the amp back in July and found ample issues. So over the course of a few weeks he replaced the filter caps, all four tubes, the reverb tank, repaired the power plug, and got this amp in prime shape. Oh, and also had one of the original speakers repaired so as to keep things as original as he could. It wasn’t cheap, but I could now double my money that I put into it if I wanted to sell it. Which I don’t.

We grabbed some early dinner and headed home.

Saturday was yardwork and then some proper playing time with the new to me Music Man. I’ve never heard an amp so clean(and loud.) It shimmers, and the large reverb tank gives it an almost dripping quality. It sounds absolutely amazing. It handles guitar pedals extremely well, and my BOSS DD-3T Delay sounds stunning through it. I even did some recording Monday with it. Off to a great start.

On Sunday we had a full house. Our kids and their partners came up from Indianapolis to have dinner and hang out. Along with my wife and I, our 22-year old daughter, and my parents -as well as Celeste the Staffordshire- it was a packed house and it was wonderful. We haven’t had everyone there in one place since Memorial Day weekend. We had tacos and ample desserts the kids brought. It did our hearts good to have everyone in one place. My parents especially loved being together. My mom misses her grandkids, so it did her especially well to be there hearing about the kids jobs, lives, and laughing.

Like I said, things at home are coming along great. One of my biggest worries was how Celeste would do in her new environment, and in-particular how she’d do being left at home alone while we go to work. She had a tendency to have accidents at the apartment, but in her defense our daughter rarely gave her the time in the morning to go potty. So it was pee pads strewn across the floor in the apartment living room. It’s not how I would do things. At all. She was lucky that the floors weren’t carpeted, otherwise she would have had some big issues moving out.

I’m happy to report Celeste hasn’t had a single accident since she’s moved in. My wife and daughter take her out for walks in the morning before they leave, and I walk her everyday after I get home from work. Last Monday when I got home she was laying on the twin bed in the extra bedroom napping. And everyday after that she was on the couch stretched out chilling out, waiting patiently for belly rubs before the magic word “walk” is mentioned.

Last night I woke up at 12:20am to the sound of her whimpering outside our bedroom door. I came out and asked if she needed to go potty and she followed me straight to the backdoor where she ran out to do her business. She came back in 5 minutes later and went back downstairs to sleep with our daughter. When I got up this morning I went out to the living room and she was curled up on the couch fast asleep.

I think she knows she’s home now.

Moving on can be hard. Letting go of the past and all the emotional and psychic trauma it holds is a tricky thing. It’s hard to accept the mistakes we’ve made, let them go, and move on. And not just the mistakes, but the wrongs that have been done to us. Unfortunately it’s not like a movie where everything can be wrapped up neatly at the end. Sometimes questions go unanswered and wrongs aren’t righted. Sometimes we have to live with the pain and anguish until they heal up into sometimes clean, sometimes jagged scars. My daughter has been through a hell of a lot, both done to her and self-inflicted. The key to moving on is knowing, in hindsight, that those were the wrong choices and you’re trying like hell to learn from them. You acknowledge them and take different paths. Maybe listen to those that love you when they offer advice, or tell you that what’s happening and what you’re doing isn’t in your best interest. You can move on from the past and do better. For those in your life, sure. But mostly for yourself.

Know that you’re worth those hard changes and that you’ll come out a much wiser person on the other side. Know that your worthy of happiness and brighter days. Know that it’s time to move on…that it’s definitely time to get going.

“It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It’s time to move on, time to get going

Broken skyline
Moving through the airport
She’s an honest defector
Conscientious objector
Now her own protector

A broken skyline
Which way to love land?
Which way to something better?
Which way to forgiveness?
Which way do I go?

Yeah, it’s time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It’s time to move on, time to get going

Sometime later
Getting the words wrong
Wasting the meaning
And losing the rhyme

Nauseous adrenalin
Breaking up a dogfight
Like a deer in the headlights
Frozen in real time
I’m losing my mind

Yeah, it’s time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going

Yeah, it’s time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going

Yeah, it’s time to move on, it’s time to get going” – Tom Petty