Celebrating the Big 5-0 And Reflecting On 33 Years Of Ups, Downs, Inside Outs

I haven’t worked a full week in like three weeks. Took a mini-vacation mid-April, then the week after I took a Friday off before the big Joe Satriani concert, then this past weekend I took Friday off so my wife and I could celebrate her 50th birthday. Her birthday was actually Sunday the 28th, but we went and got lunch at this amazing Mexican restaurant in Fort Wayne called Tequila’s. It’s the same place we went for my 50th. Mexican street nachos, Quesabirria tacos, tostadas, a flight of margaritas for the birthday girl, and a pineapple margarita for me. Dessert was churros with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, strawberries and blueberries.

It was fantastic.

This will be the 33rd birthday of hers we’ve celebrated together, starting on her 17th birthday in April of 1991. I may have been able to tell you what we did for her 17th birthday a few years ago, but sadly that memory has been wiped from the hard drive so I can remember other things like graduation parties, work computer passwords, and vacation memories in Canada from 5 years ago. Sadly, that’s just the way it is. My memory just isn’t what it used to be.

I don’t know how the universe saw fit to put us together, but I’m glad it did. Not like we haven’t had our ups and downs, or that life didn’t throw us a curveball or ten over the last close to 35 years since we went on a blind date that led to three plus decades together. Three kids, three dogs, vacations, concerts, job changes, financial strains, emotional strains, digging ourselves out of both, and to finally come out of the other end stronger and more in love than ever.

Somehow through all of this we raised three wonderful children who are all very much their own people with their own distinct personalities. But what they all have in common is their kindness, thoughtfulness, and an appreciation for the fact their mom and dad love each other and that loved spilled over into raising them. We’re not perfect by any means, but the missteps don’t outweigh what we did right. I guess that’s the best you can ask for.

While out and about on Friday we stopped in at an arts n crafts place and we bought some canvases, paints, and she grabbed some sewing supplies. Saturday afternoon we did some painting. It was nice to just chill out and make things at the kitchen table. It actually got pretty humid out so I turned on the AC. Turned out to be a good idea as on her actual birthday it was damn near balmy. In the morning we drove over to our daughter’s apartment. I bought some chicken breast, salmon, and some french cut green beans and showed her step by step how to prep meals for the week. Roasted chicken breast, rice, and sauteed green beans, as well as glazed salmon, rice, and sauteed green beans.

I know, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. But taking an hour or two out of my Sunday to show her how to put some meals together for the week makes all the difference to her. That’s time saved, money saved, and a healthy, home cooked meal she’s got ready to eat instead of grabbing fast food that isn’t that good and definitely not good for her. I was doing this anyways, but at my place. My daughter’s therapist suggested to her that she should have me show her how to do it so she could do it herself. I thought that was a good idea as well, so now she knows how to fend for herself. Next time I’ll show her how I put my homemade salsa and guacamole together.

In the afternoon we celebrated with some pork nachos. Pork butt slow cooked all day, then shredded, then put back in the crock pot to simmer in the juices. Then I put it on a pan and cook it under the broiler till it’s nice and crispy. Serve it over some tortilla chips with fresh salsa, shredded cheddar, ranch, and BBQ sauce. I go the idea from a pizza place/brewery in Nashville, IN we would go to when renting a cabin in the summer. I think I’ve perfected it.

My son and his girlfriend bought my wife some of her favorite cocoa butter lotion, as well as some Sour Patch Kids, 100 Grand bars, and a couple bars of her favorite soap(made locally.) Our 20-year old bought her some of her favorite cookies from the Cookie Cottage in Fort Wayne, as well as a very nice and heartfelt birthday card. Our oldest called last night and wished her a happy birthday as well.

I bought her a bouquet of spring flowers from our favorite local florist, and I detailed the inside of her Ford Flex on Saturday. And the food. So, so much food.

I’ve felt this for a long time(like a decade), but for me I didn’t truly start feeling comfortable in my own skin until I turned 40. I’ve always felt like an old soul in a younger man’s body. I was always kind of awkward and not too outgoing, at least until I was with people I truly knew and felt safe around. But now, nearly halfway thru my 50th year on this planet I know it to be true. I’ve truly stopped caring what others think of me. I’ll shave my head and wear horror movie t-shirts and obsess over physical media till the day I die.

And I married someone who doesn’t mind those eccentricities. She in fact encourages it. Encourages me to be me, and I kind of love that. And of course I do the same for her. She recently let our 20 year old in beauty college color her hair with blue tips. I think it looks great. She’s talked about wanting blue hair for years, and she finally did it. Pretty punk rock for someone that wouldn’t know a Dead Kennedy from a Bad Brain.

Despite the breaking down of the old body at 50; lower back is stiff at times, my knees ache, and anxiety saying hi occasionally, life is pretty good. It’ll be even better once all the kids are settled in their lives and happy, or well on their way there. I suppose there will never be a time I won’t worry about them or for them, but I know we’ve done the most we can to give them the tools to make things happen in their lives. I’m proud of all of them. I’m proud of what my wife and I did, even when it felt like we were flailing.

I think we deserved that churro.