Lasermetal : Nightsatan and the Loops of Doom

I’m sure you’ve all felt my absence in your lives, and I apologize for that. It’s been a busy few days on planet Hubnerion. The great meteor showers of 2015 took out nearly all of our solar towers, while electrical storms on the furthest tips of the great Jerky Canyons took out most of our nutrient harvesters, or “nutters” for short. We had several schnauzer stampedes due to them being spooked by the inclement weather, which put us back on harvesting our 100 bushels a day of the Hubnerion-famous “schnauzer barks”. Besides all of that, the laser wars have taken a toll on the Hubnerion armies and we are running low on plutonium that we make our nuclear underwear out of.

Dark times on Hubnerion. Dark times, indeed.

Okay, so no lazer wars or Jerky Canyons. This is all just my oversized imagination and lots of spins from Nightsatan’s Nightsatan and the Loops of Doom. What is Nightsatan you ask? Well, they’re a Finnish synth band that dresses up in costume and makes music that you would’ve imagined hearing on some old, early 80s sci fi flicks. John Carpenter, Vangelis, Wendy Carlos, and Tangerine Dream also come to mind when I listen to this record.

All very good things, I might add.

IMG_0405I’ve only known about this band for maybe a month. Their record popped up on Death Waltz Recording Company’s RSD 2015 list. The album cover alone was enough for me to dig deeper. After finding some music online I knew I had to get this album. Pretty much right up my alley, what with the synths and futuristic wasteland thing. And of course the costumes. From what I can tell there’s only three folks in the band. They go by the names Wolf Rami, Inhalator II, and Mazathoth. Their genre is “lasermetal”. This all may sound a little crazy, but it all makes perfect sense once you hear their music. The outfits are quite stunning as well. One is dressed like a cross between Flash Gordon, a Cyberpunk version of Robin Hood, and Mark Singer from The Beastmaster. There’s another one that looks like Skeletor as a Hell’s Angel, and then last but not least an off-brand looking Boba Fett. They look like they walked right out of the Australian badlands in search of gasoline and space slaves.

So are you supposed to take this seriously? Well, if you don’t want a laser shot right between your eyes you need to. This is classic post-apocalyptic synth-driven soundscapes. There was one album prior to this, and it is very similar in tone. But what it didn’t have was a narrative…and a movie to back it up. I haven’t yet watched this piece of celluloid goodness, but I plan to very soon. Hell, with a plot synopsis like this, how can I not:

In the year 2034 Karelia has reduced to deserts. On these plains territorial disputes are settled with sound and music. A pack of synthesizer warriors known as Nightsatan are pursuing a damsel in distress, who has fled her captor into the dunes. They wander into the habitat of an unknown musician, who enslaves his victims in his programmed choir. Nightsatan is challenged by a worthy adversary.


See what I mean? It’s all too good to be true…the music, the film, the costumes, the damsel inIMG_0406 distress, and of course the schnauzer barks. It’s too much to handle, really. Well it almost wasn’t to be for me. I searched high and low on RSD for this vinyl goodness only to come up empty-handed. Apparently Death Waltz wasn’t able to get it around in time for us Yanks to get a copy. So last Tuesday the fine folks at had some on sale at their online store. They were going up for sale at some random time so I had to keep the website up all day just to wait for that magical time when they popped up as available. At last, it showed. I immediately went to add it to my cart and BAM!! “Sold Out” appeared underneath the qty box. What??? It JUST came up for sale? Well, thanks to an email I sent the previous day to Mondo about whether this record would be up for sale the next day, and then a subsequent email the day of to the same extremely kind and helpful soul, I got a copy. It arrived Monday and I’ve been spinning it incessantly ever since.

So should you buy this one for yourself? Well, first off can you find a copy that won’t cost you your first born and a pack of gum? Not sure. But if you love this kind of synth music; you know, the kind you hear on those late night B-movie sci fi epics as well as all those artists I mentioned way up at the top of this screed, then you should seek it out. It’s green-colored translucent vinyl, as well as coming with a DVD of the movie AND giant info cards on each of the beings in the band(including stats on each one.)

Seriously, why are you still reading this? Go find this somewhere. Anywhere(except my place. Hands off.) I’ve gotta go. I have some nutters to contend with, as well as some solar towers to repair.


2 thoughts on “Lasermetal : Nightsatan and the Loops of Doom

  1. Wow!

    That is simply the coolest object in the world, right there, in your house. Even if there wasn’t a single note of music on the LP, it just wouldn’t detract from it.

    I think there’s an 80.2% chance of me buying this one.

    Liked by 1 person

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