The Good Old Days?

The good old days. That can mean a million things to a million people. What were the good old days? Were they when you were in your 20s and going to concerts every weekend? Partying with friends and getting home in the wee hours? Or was it when you were a kid playing with Star Wars action figures in your bedroom, your mom making your favorite meal in the kitchen? Or your dad making your favorite meal on the grill? Were the good old days when you were first dating your forever significant other? Going to that one special place for dinner you two always haunted? Or when your kids were still little enough to need you and look up to you like you were some superhero that could fix anything; be it a broken toy, kite in a tree, or a scrape on the knee.

I had those “good old days” rants. When adulting got hard I’d think about the simplicity of a summer day as a kid. I woke up whenever, ate my cereal or Toaster Strudel, threw on some clothes and hit the Huffy BMX bike. Or maybe I had a sleepover and me and my buddy set up some battles in the backyard with the Star Wars collection. Then mom would drive us to Video World and we’d rent a mildly inappropriate horror movie for us to stay up and watch while eating pizza and drinking waaay too much soda.

I also loved going to my grandma’s house with my mom in the summer. Grandma lived on Lake Manitou in Rochester, IN. Those days were spent on the pontoon fishing, or getting lunch at the Moose or the Streamliner. I’d swim off the pier, then head inside and watch cable TV as we didn’t have cable at home. Lots of MTV and movies on TMC or HBO.

As an adult with kids there were times in my mind that things felt right. Where being a partner in marriage and as a parent that I felt like I’d finally figured out how to balance it all. There was quite a bit of time where I felt like I was flailing. We were tight on money with building debt and stressed from both of us working different shifts. Kids were little and needed a lot…sometimes more than I thought I could give. But we survived.

In 2012 my wife read a book on budgeting and that changed our lives in a major way. It wasn’t easy changing spending habits, but once we got past those first few months things clicked and we dug ourselves out. We could afford summer vacations and not go in debt. Christmases and birthdays weren’t things to dread(well, I still didn’t like shopping for Christmas but anyways), and my wife and I could enjoy each other as a couple instead of being stressed out about money.

My wife started taking school photos for a living in 2014. She would be gone for a few days at a time, traveling to southern states to help other photographers. I’d be home with the kids for a week by myself. It was stressful, yes, but I got to spend a lot more time with them as well. We took day trips to the Hall of Heroes museum in Elkhart, IN, clothes shopping to the mall, record and comic book shop trips, and lots of summer movies. I’d take those weeks off so I could be home and there was usually a couple late night horror movie watches as well.

I also think about turning 40 and all of a sudden feeling like I had finally grown into my own skin. I felt comfortable with myself and truly loved being a husband and dad. Not that I didn’t love it before 40, but I always felt awkward in my own skin. Turning 40, or over-the-hill, I’d felt like the world came into better view. I appreciated where I was, how far I’d come, and was truly thankful for the family I had.

I’m now 52, and I really started thinking about the good old days. Mainly because all my children are adults now, making their own lives and their own new “good old days”. So obviously I’m looking back over my shoulder and reflecting on a life lived and a live still being lived. My heart issues have only made me more reflective and contemplative, and it’s occurred to me it’s all good. Even the bad is good. The bad is what we work through to get back to the good. There’s definitely levels of bad that I’d never want people to have to go through; cancer, loss of a child or spouse, horrible car crashes, etc…., but the everyday struggle we all deal with, that’s the stuff that builds us into stronger humans.

All the good old days we talk about are what make a life a life. One isn’t better than the other, in my opinion. If you’re reminiscing about just a certain spot in your timeline you’re missing out on what’s in front of you. Or what is just down the road. We can romanticize the past all we want, but if we’re stuck on some specific era on our timeline we waste what time is left for us on this earth. My heart scare has rebooted me. It’s made me realize we’re not here for very long in the scheme of things, so make the most of the time that’s left and sitting in front of us. Sure, you can love the past and certain moments in time. Just don’t get hung up on it. Revisit it in a daydream. Smile. Reflect. But then come on back to the present and make yourself some new good old days.