“I’m Going Through Changes”

It’s been a weird year so far. No big vacations, no big events like graduations, and nothing standing out as monumental. It’s been quiet, but not in a peaceful sort of way. The last two months have been dominated by health issues our daughter’s been dealing with, and the last two weeks were by far the worst. Three ER visits, three overnight stays, and even this past weekend when we thought she was okay she had another bout of pain and vomiting.

I say this very hesitantly because despite relying on common sense and science I can be very superstitious, but I believe we may be onto the root cause of her problems. It may, possibly, perhaps, be because of something you find in wheat, barley, and rye. Starts with a “G” and ends with an “N”. No blood tests results to prove this theory, but after piecing some stuff together, her symptoms, and her years of GI/stomach issues we’re starting to see a pattern. After Saturday we made the decision to just cut that old “G” word out of the diet completely and see what happens. She slept all night Saturday night and got up Sunday morning and went to work with no issues. Yesterday was the same, and as of this morning she’s still doing great. I’m not going to get excited just yet, but so far things are promising.

In all of this, my wife and I decided to ask her if she wanted to move back home for a bit. Free some stress and loneliness of living by herself(with her pooch) and covering rent, utilities, food, and gas costs. Her job is 30 minutes away where we live, and with our son and his girlfriend moving to Indianapolis a week from this coming Friday we’d have some open space. In fact, with them taking the furniture downstairs in the music studio we could easily convert the music room into a space for her and Celeste. Not quite apartment size, but enough room for her bedroom and her sectional couch. If she doesn’t want to hang out with us upstairs she can head downstairs to have her own space. Plus, this is going to allow us to help her with getting up in the morning and starting a healthier routine of getting up early, walking the dog, and getting off to work with plenty of time. And with the stress of rent and other expenses gone she can truly concentrate on her styling skills and times at work. Quicker times mean more money on her hourly wage.

The other big thing is allowing her to save money. Build a nest egg. She’s going to be helping with her medical bills, and in less than a year there will be her student loan to start paying on. All involved, including me and my wife, are going to benefit from less stress and worry in this situation. Plus, despite being a little stuffed up from her hair, I’m excited to have her dog Celeste at the house. We’ve gotten pretty close these last couple weeks and I think she loves that she can just go in the backyard and do her business without being leashed and walked around downtown Columbia City. And, she loves the walks in our wooded neighborhood.

Last night it really dawned on me that my son was going to be moving soon. Before it felt like more of a distant concept. Never really felt real until I saw him with a stack of boxes, filling them with his belongings. It’s not like we were still doing weekly watches of shows or movies. He’s working, and when he’s not working he’s with his girlfriend. But still, the idea that he’s still in the house was comforting. And a couple weeks ago when they stayed at her mom and dad’s house for a week while they were in Mexico it didn’t really feel all that weird. But when they got back we talked for like an hour about movies and shows and music, catching up. We won’t have that option now, so I got a little sad last night. Those emotions floating just under the surface, feeling that thick feeling in my throat like a good cry was just around the corner. It never happened, but the malaise has lasted into today.

I think a lot of it is just the last two weeks have been completely overwhelming for me(and my wife, of course) with the frequent hospital stays and helplessly watching our daughter struggle with pain and sickness. There’s relief there now that she seems good, but I can still feel a dread and panic just under the surface. It takes awhile for that to go away after so much frustration, fear, and helplessness dominated your head and heart for so long.

I’m hopeful it will get better soon. It’s a lot like when we moved our oldest into the Indiana Academy when they were 16. I kept my composure, but standing in her dorm room setting things up for her overwhelmed me and I nearly lost it. This is a very similar feeling. It passed and became the norm. It will this time, too. It’s going to be a pretty busy and emotional next two weeks, moving one kid out and moving another back in. Lots of work and time to get things back to a normal feel, but it will be worth it.

Setting up offices upstairs for the wife and I in the newly vacant rooms is an exciting thought. It’ll be great to have a space upstairs with an amp, guitar, and a place to mix and master music, as well as write. I’ve got original art I want to hang on the walls, too. One of which is a piece of commissioned art my daughter got for me for a belated Father’s Day gift. The photo used was sometime between 2011 and 2013. Me sitting on the couch and my daughter hanging on my back doing one of her usual goofy looks. I think the artist, Lilli Hart, did a wonderful job.

So despite all the scary stuff, the sad stuff, and the hard stuff I think things are going to work out. We still have some summer left, and two concerts I’m excited about coming up in the next two weeks(along with all the moves.) My wife’s big fundraiser for her work is coming up this weekend, and I’ll be heading over to my best friend’s house Saturday to celebrate his 51st birthday. I’ve got music I’m working on and new(to me) gear to play with. Plus a vintage amp that’s being restored in phases that is going to be insanely cool once it’s done.

So yeah, I’m a little sad and a little soul worn from all the medical scares. But I’m also okay. Sometimes you just need to put it all out there in the universe and let it go.