Things Keep Moving, Changes Imminent, RIP Uncle Joe

It’s been a heavy week so far. The impending move of our oldest is officially happening. They found an apartment in Indianapolis. Something that’s reasonably priced but not a dump either. Reasonable price and not a dump is a rarity in the world of renting these days, so I’m happy they found something. There was also some sort of deal for the month of February where rent was only half of the regular monthly price, so they paid the rent early(our daughter and their friend/roommate) so they could get that deal. They hadn’t planned on moving out until March, but just went for it. Now they just need to get a job lined up. They’v applied at two places so far, hopefully they get a call.

My wife and I have been trying to figure out the logistics. Do we need to rent a Uhaul to get them moved, or can we swing it between our old Honda Odyssey, our Flex, and our kiddo’s Nissan Rogue? Biggest thing they have currently is a new dresser they bought over Thanksgiving and our old recliner. My parents have offered to buy them a queen size mattress, so depending on whether we get it here in town or if they can find one at Ikea in Indy and can have it delivered to their new place, is probably the biggest factor in renting a moving truck. Of course my wife and I were thinking about possibly getting a new couch and chair for our living room, so we could give our oldest our old sectional since neither of them have any furniture(roommate is bringing a dining room table and our kid has the aforementioned recliner.) Do we want to spend money on new furniture? Not really. But if we were going to get a new couch at some point this year, might as well do it now so we can gift the old one.

That’s been humming in my brain the last few days. It has been ever since the oldest mentioned moving to Indy in the spring back late last summer. I’m happy they’re wanting to move on in their life to that next phase, but I’m sad to see theme go. Our son and his girlfriend left for Texas out of South Bend Regional Airport this morning at 7:30 am. They’re heading their with his girlfriend’s parents to visit her older brother and baby niece. They’ll be back next Tuesday, but it only adds to that heaviness of empty nesting that will be here sooner rather than later.

Sunday morning my wife got a call from her aunt that my wife’s Uncle Joe passed away at 5am that morning. They were living in a retirement community here in town, the aunt living in the assisted living area while her uncle was in the more medical part. The hospital part. They moved their a few months back because Joe had to have both his legs removed due to Diabetes or some circulatory issue. I guess he still kept a pretty good attitude besides being a double amputee and having to sell their home to move into a retirement home.

Saturday her aunt Jan called my wife while she was out with our oldest shopping to tell her Joe wasn’t doing well. He was basically in hospice at that point. He’d fallen out of his bed twice, and had been testing positive for Covid for over a month. He was also having serious respiratory issues. No more than 12 hours after that call Joe was gone.

A little background on Joe:

Joe is my wife’s mom’s older brother, by just a year or two apparently(we thought there was a bigger age gap.) Joe ran Joe McKeigue Oil Change in town for probably close to 40 years. Before the oil change shop he ran a gas station with an auto shop. My dad said he’d gone to Joe’s place in the 60s a couple times, too.

Joe was great as a business owner as he could do the small talk thing like nobody else. I’d go into the oil change shop and get my oil changed in the 90s. Despite dating and then marrying his niece it was always small talk, never anything too personal or serious. It usually involved talking about his dogs or cats. If I brought up our dogs he was thrilled to hear about them. But that was pretty much it. He was someone who knew a million acquaintances, but I’m not sure how many close friends there were. He had Jan, the business, and they traveled a lot in an RV. That was their life. He also had a house on Center Lake with a pontoon. And of course dogs and cats. No kids. Never had any kids.

Here’s the part, though, where I tell you why Joe will always be someone I’m very thankful for. Back during our senior year of high school my wife lived with her dad and stepmom. It was the typical stepmom/stepdaughter relationship, fraught and messy. She was the type of stepmom that would leave a pamphlet out on the kitchen table for my wife to find that said if you wear black on a Wednesday that means your a Satanist. They were also the kind of “devout” Christians that would change churches like most people change their underwear. She was also the kind of grandma that would tell her granddaughter not to bring Harry Potter books in her house because they were “devil books”.

That’s the kind of stepmom we’re dealing with.

Anyway, one morning in the spring of our senior year my wife and her stepmom had a huge fight. There was some other girl living with them at the time that was a kid of a family friend. They were having behavioral issues at home and my now in-laws offered her a place to stay. Instead of trying to help her, though, stepmom just judged and ridiculed this girl(as a good Christian should.) My wife had had enough and stood up to her stepmom and defended the girl. This turned into the stepmom threatening to take away my wife’s car and telling her she had to quit her job.

She got to school that morning and told me she was leaving to go see her mom about the situation. She couldn’t stay their anymore. So we walked back out to the parking lot and drove to her mom’s trailer. Living with her mom wasn’t an option as her situation was somewhat volatile on its own, so her mom and her grandma reached out to Joe and Jan to see if they could help. They offered my wife a room at their house, as well as buying a Mazda 626 for my wife to use while she was there. No questions asked.

This made the remainder of our senior year a breeze. No more judgmental stepmom and clueless dad, plus she was in town as opposed to living at a farm outside of Mentone(small town about 25 minutes from the high school). They were kind to my wife and treated her like she was their kid. And when my wife returned home from college and started working full-time, they said well you’re an adult so you need to find a place of your own. They were there when she needed them the most, and when it was time they said we want our space back. We respected that(she ended up moving in with me and my family until we got an apartment a year later.)

Joe and Jan would sent Christmas cards every year, and give the kids money on their birthdays, and were there when we needed them. I’d still see Joe at the oil change shop, until he retired and gave it over to a guy that worked for him for years. The last time we saw Joe and Jan was in the summer of 2018. They stopped by and dropped off an HP laptop and a printer. They’d heard our daughter needed a new laptop for college and gave us theirs that they never used. Of course our oldest wanted a Macbook, but it was the thought that counted. I used the laptop for awhile.

That’s the kind of people Joe and Jan were. They liked their privacy. They weren’t hoverers of any kind. But if you needed help they’d do what they could.

There was no service for Joe. Much like in life, the guy was private even in death. So this is me paying tribute to a guy that did a kindness to a niece he didn’t know all that well, that made all the difference in her life. So thank you, Joe. RIP.

So that’s what’s going on here. Lots of big emotions bubbling under the surface. Lots of changes and more changes just around the corner. Reflection, looking back, looking forward, and stopping to feel the present.