Labor Pains

Been off work since last Wednesday. Decided I needed an extended Labor Day weekend so I took off work from last Wednesday thru today. Almost seven whole days away from the place I like to call “Fresh Hell”.

The plan was simple, really. My wife was taking Thursday and Friday off as well, so on Thursday we decided we’d head up north to Mishawaka for lunch at Evil Czech Brewing, stop at Ignition Music and use up some of my store credit, and maybe hit another brewery for some fine cervezas for the weekend. We ended up doing all of that, as well as even looking for a new purse for my wife since her strap tore on hers. Didn’t find a purse, but we found a good lunch, some great vinyl, and some beer. Oh, and ice cream, too.

The extended weekend was off to a great start. But then 20 minutes after we got home our 20-year old showed up with her friend and things got not so great.

Our daughter moved into an apartment last December with her boyfriend, after sharing one with one of her best friends and their boyfriend over the summer. The friend and her significant other were moving into a different place, so our daughter needed to find another apartment. Her boyfriend was living at home and they decided to get a place together. She found out quickly that he wasn’t prepared for things like responsibility and doing things for himself. He was a slob, terrible with saving money, and was more interested in hanging out with his cousin playing videogames or Magic : The Gathering than do things with his girlfriend. So a lot of the time she was left at her place alone while he continued to act like he was single and living with mom and dad.

Full transparency : I’ve never liked this kid. When they were just friends working together at Walmart and he’d come over to hang out he seemed fine. Quiet, somewhat aloof, but fine. When they began dating my view of him went from indifference to annoyance. She’d have him over to eat and he’d barely touch the food, would sit quietly saying nothing, and had an expression of blank confusion most of the time. It was as if he was doing our daughter a solid for even being there.

But I just kept my opinions to myself. I figured if our kid liked him then there must be something good about him. I just wasn’t seeing it. Before they’d moved in together, last summer to be exact, the boyfriend was pulled over for not having a muffler and the officer smelled pot. He asked if the boyfriend had drugs in the car. He did. 3 oz of pot. Pot is still illegal in our state, and 3 oz is enough for the cop to assume there was intent to sell. He said it was all for him and that he wasn’t selling. That may be true, but I’m not completely convinced. He was charged and booked, but he was never arrested. At this point I still don’t know what’s going on with that situation.

Glaring sign number one.

When they moved in together this guy would often tell our daughter he only had $25 and couldn’t pay for groceries(I didn’t find this out till recently), so our kid would pay for food. He’d spend money on card games and probably weed, instead of being a big boy and saving his money for things like bills and groceries. It wasn’t all of the time, but I think it happened enough that I would have suspected this is a personality trait.

Glaring sign number two.

He lost his job not long after they moved in together. The job the apartment complex based their decision to let them rent on. We thought he lost his job because he had to go to a court date and his work fired him for missing. Well, that wasn’t true. He was still kind of high at work and backed the company truck into a dumpster. They told him he either takes a drug test or he would be fired. Well, both options were that he was going to be fired so they let him go.

Glaring sign number three.

He was a slob. He rarely cleaned up after himself. Now, my daughter might not be the tidiest person, but this kid lived like Pig Pen. He came over to our house earlier this year with my daughter to eat and showed up covered in mud from riding ATVs at his mom and dad’s house. I guess he couldn’t be bothered to wear clothes not covered in dirt, or even wash his face.

Glaring sign number four.

In May of this year our daughter called and said she wouldn’t be coming over because she was feeling awful, throwing up and diarrhea and she was short of breath. The boyfriend was picked up by his cousin earlier and was hanging out with him. We ended up going to the apartment and getting her dressed enough to get her to the ER. Our daughter texted the boy, my wife texted the boy, and still no response. Around 7pm he finally replied with “Ok thanks.” I’m sure he was stoned or on mushrooms or something. We spent four hours at the ER until our kiddo finally felt better. We determined it was food poisoning. When we dropped her off at almost 10 pm the boy still wasn’t home.

Glaring sign number five.

So over Memorial Day Weekend our daughter adopted a dog from the Animal Welfare League, a Pitbull/Husky mix named Frankie. After being along in a relationship with this immature kid our daughter finally had something in her life that made her feel good. Frankie filled a void that she’d had for a good portion of that relationship. She bought a kennel, a bed, toys, food, snacks, and took Frankie to parks and brought her over to our place a few times. I’d get two or three pics of Frankie a week doing something funny. She’d even sleep funny at times. There was a significant change in our daughter from having Frankie in her life. Frankie also helped her see what her relationship with the boy was lacking.

A month ago on a Saturday night she’d had enough and told the boy that she wasn’t happy with him and that she wanted some space. Of course being the clueless kid he is he just didn’t understand, but left the apartment. Since then it’s been him asking what he can do, give him another chance, her cow-towing to the incessant pleading and what not. Something happened over this past week and I think the boy knew it was done. So while our daughter was working her second shift in a day at Starbucks on Thursday the boy packed up most of this stuff and left with his belongings..and with Frankie. Including everything our daughter paid for herself; kennel, bed, toys, dog food, etc… She showed up Thursday a mess. Her and her friend called the police and they met them at the boy’s parents house. But since they lived together they can’t forcibly take the dog. It’s a civil matter, not a criminal one.

It’s been one of the worst 6 days away from work I’ve had in quite a long time. Frankie is everything to our daughter, and she did everything with her. Taking Frankie from our daughter was the one last card this kid could play against her, and it was one hell of a card. She’d been talking to her therapist about making Frankie an emotional support dog. We’ve talked to enough people now that we know once this goes up in front of a judge that this will go in our daughter’s favor. She has the Animal Welfare League, the vet’s office, and ample bank transactions showing that our daughter was the primary caregiver. They’re filing in small claims court tomorrow, and our daughter’s friend’s mom is talking to a lawyer for her as they’ve been in similar situations. Everything seems like it’s leaning towards Frankie coming back to our daughter, but right now it’s a waiting game.

It was hard writing this all out because this has been an incredibly frustrating, powerless situation for all of us. 20 years ago there would have been four or five people I could have gathered and it would have been a different scenario. But going vigilante just isn’t the answer anymore. I want to hurt this kid, badly, but I want this resolved legally and above board so we don’t have to see this kid ever again. This gutless, vindictive waif of a human.

Our daughter is going about her life. What’s left of the boys belongings are waiting for him in garbage bags to take back to wherever he’s living. He’s off the lease for the apartment, and along with grabbing his junk he’s turning his key in. So that part is done. Now, we need to get Frankie back. Whatever it takes.