Nothing Like A Good Hang

I think I really do underestimate the power of a really good hang. I’ve become a much more solitary creature as I’ve gotten older, so much so that the idea of being social gives me anxiety. The preparation, the anticipation, and the fear of how do I remain interested talking for more than a 30 minute time span without revealing the disconnected, blank expression that’s dying to come out.

When I have a great afternoon with an old friend I’m reminded that I’m not as much of a hermit as I thought I was. What’s revealed is that nothing beats time spent with the right people. My oldest friend and I get together every couple of months and those are hang outs I cherish, and act as a recharge from the previous couple months trying moments and work-related stress. But that’s really the only time I step out of my own little Fortress of Solitude and spend any amount of time in someone else’s space.

Other than those times, I’m at home taking care of home-related responsibilities(yard work, house work, paying bills, etc) and home-related joys(spinning albums, playing guitar, enjoying a pint, watching horror movies). I’m pretty happy with that setup, honestly.

On Friday my second oldest friend came over for a visit. Last time I’d seen him was July of 2021, right before he moved up to Bessemer, Michigan in the Upper Peninsula. It’s about a 10-hour drive from my house so visits are pretty scant. We’ve been friends since our Freshman year of high school. My oldest pal was friends with him, so that’s how we met. Our sophomore year of high school we hit it off, with us spending most weekends together discovering Rush, watching horror movies, and eating more Tombstone pizzas and Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles than any human should.

We saw Joe Satriani and Rush together while in high school, and both were taking music lessons from the same teacher, too. Of course there were aspirations of being musicians and starting a band, but in all honesty the dreaming up the stuff together was actually more fun than the few times we did attempt the band thing. I can vividly remember my pal going with my mom, dad, and I to my grandma and grandpa’s farm for a Sunday dinner. We walked around the yard and over to one of the chicken coops that hadn’t been in service for years and imagined turning the outbuilding into a recording studio(the Rush video for “Limelight” with its wintry, wooded landscape as the band mimed performing inside was an inspiration.) Reality can never compete with what the burning, sparking mind of a 15-year old can come up with.

Nor is that mind based in any sort of reality.

Though we live 10 hours away from each other we stay in nearly daily contact, via text messages or various shared videos during the day. He had let me know his vacation moved up and was going to be in town last week from Tuesday thru Sunday. He’d decided that Friday was open, so I put in a vacation request for Friday and we made plans. The day was spent getting caught up on family, work, life, and lots of laughing.

My wife got work done early so she headed up with us to Goshen and we hit Ignition Music Garage, super cool record store/concert venue that was put into an old auto garage. I grabbed Beach House’s Bloom, a Jack Dejohnette record, and some stickers for my wife. My wife went and grabbed a milk shake at a local ice cream shop called The Chief. While she did that we grabbed a couple coffees at Electric Brew(right next door to Ignition) and walked around downtown Goshen. We then drove 40 minutes north to Three Rivers, MI to Bullseye Market for some of the best brats you’ll ever eat.

We got back to the house around 6:30pm and I got the brats going. We bought some Cherry Brats, Honey BBQ Brats, and some Spinach and Feta Brats and all are made fresh at Bullseye. A Brat spectacular, if you will. We also grabbed some macaroni salad, and my pal grabbed a strawberry pie for dessert. We enjoyed an IPA while I grilled and we sat on the porch, enjoying the particularly pleasant June temps and talked about movies. Dinner was great, and afterwards I showed him the Panos Cosmatos episode of Cabinet of Curiosities, ‘The Viewing’.

My friend headed out around 9:45pm, with one more destination for Saturday to visit with his brother before heading back to the U.P. on Sunday.

I am 95% of the time a solitary soul. I like my time. I like not having plans. I need my weekends and my moments of quiet to reboot from a week of relentless work and life’s little surprises that feel more like terrors. But the right hang with the right people can be pretty great. And a reminder that we’re not as alone and misunderstood as we thought were. Nor do we enjoy the silence half as much as the laughs and conversations that come from old friends catching up.

That’s kind of a great revelation.