Resolutions? We don’t need no stinking resolutions!

DSC04271Yeah,  I know. It’s THAT time of the year where everyone looks back on the past year’s failures and wishes them away with a New Year’s resolution. “I’m too fat. I’m gonna lose 30 lbs.” “I drink too much. I’m gonna quit drinking!” “I’m gonna stop smoking in 2014. That’s my resolution!” Yeah, well let me tell you folks…bullsh*t! New Year’s resolutions are a way to be self-deprecating, but in a healthy way. If you really want to lose weight, why wait till the beginning of the year? Why do you have to wait for the calendar to change in order to make changes you want to make in your life? You know what, I told myself I would stop eating sticks of butter in July. You know what? I stopped in September. Sure, it was two months later but I did it! My cholesterol went down from 589 to 410! Yay! Win for me!

Listen, sure I’m being snarky and cynical and NOT very helpful or encouraging. My point is this: be happy with yourself. Once you’re happy with who you are then those changes will come much easier. You can’t make positive changes unless you respect and love who you are. It’s no different than having a partner in your life that doesn’t encourage or support changes you’re trying to make in your life. If you have someone constantly beating yourself over the head with negativity and put-downs you’ll never lose weight, cut back your drinking, or quit smoking. My wife said to me “I know you can quit this nasty butter habit. You can do it!” I needed that. Well, you have to believe in yourself and love and respect yourself, too. Without that, you’ll continue to let yourself down by never changing the habits you want to change. You don’t need to make the “New Year” some sort of crazy goal you have to achieve. Make the change when you’re ready.

Having said all that, a friend of mine has made the resolution that he is going to cut back on his purchase of vinyl this year, with some stipulations. You know what I say to that? I say he doesn’t love and respect himself enough! I say to hell with that! Sure, the guy owns over 1,600 vinyl but you know what, It’s not the number it’s the joy that counts. If it makes you happy, do it. You’re not fat, you’re veluptious. Shake what the Lord gave ya, sister. I’m not judging you. I think you’re goddamn beautiful. And if a drink chills you out and let’s you relax, then go for it. And hey, as long as you’re not blowing that smoke in my face then light the hell up. What is that, oregano? Oh nevermind, you do what you gotta do.

Listen, all I’m saying is don’t make the things we love into some sort of bogeyman. Don’t throw some sort of goddamn scarlet letter on the vices that keep us from losing our f*****g minds, all right? If a scoop or two of Turtle Somethin’ custard brings you back to reality and let’s you think straight then by all means do it. Add some f*****g hot fudge while you’re at it. Why don’t you have a rum n’ coke and a menthol chaser while you’re at it. This world is far too f****d up not to indulge when the mood hits from time to time. I’m no saint. I’m on my fourth beer and second run through of The Night Terrors Back To Zero and I’m not afraid to admit it. It’s a record I ordered online. Why? Because I wanted to. I didn’t break the bank. Did I need it? No. But dammit I wanted it. It brought me some joy. It was a conversation piece when I opened it. My son and I guffawed at the beautiful colored splatter vinyl. My wife looked at me like “you silly man, you” as I went on about how the main instrument(besides analog synths) was the theramin. You know, it made the day a tad brighter(the brightest moment was my 10 year old daughter bringing me a plate of scrambled eggs and toast down to my studio for lunch she made herself.) All I’m saying is enjoy this crazy life, and don’t deny yourself those simple pleasures: bacon fat, alcohol, altered states, and dirty sex with your spouse. Oh, and vinyl.

So if you want to change something in your life, do it. Who gives a s**t what time of year it is. Do it when you’re ready, and do it when you love and respect the most important person: yourself.


2 Replies to “Resolutions? We don’t need no stinking resolutions!”

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